Friday, December 31, 2010
"Oil & Gold "
Oil & Gold (XAU) once again was supported on dips towards the $1160 level but found resistance near $1170 strong as well. Overall trading with a low of USD$1157 and high of USD$1172 before ending the New York session at USD$1169 an ounce. Was weak on concerns of plentiful supply. Crude Oil was down -$1.11 ending the New York session at $76.45.
"CURRENCIES"
CURRENCIES: Dollar Slips Against Rivals; Vietnam Devalues Dong.
The dollar slipped against its major rivals in Asian trading Wednesday, while Vietnam’s currency took center stage as the country’s central bank said it would again devalue the dong.
One euro bought $1.5018, up from $1.4962 late Tuesday, while $1 bought 88.22 yen, down from 88.49 yen.
The dollar’s weakness helped fuel a rise in gold futures, which rose in electronic trading on Globex. The December contract tapped a record at $1,180, buoyed by investment demand and a report that India might be buying more gold from the International Monetary Fund.
On Tuesday, the dollar struggled to hold onto modest gains against a basket of rivals after the Federal Reserve said it expected a slow recovery with high unemployment, affirming expectations it will keep rates low for some time.
In emerging-markets-currency trading, Vietnam’s central bank said Wednesday it will devalue its currency by 5.4%, effective Thursday, resetting the dollar-exchange rate to 17,961 dong from its current level of 17,034 dong.
The move — Vietnam’s third devaluation in two years — is an apparent attempt to protect its foreign reserves. The State Bank of Vietnam will also narrow the trading band of the dollar against the dong to 3% from 5%.
The dollar slipped against its major rivals in Asian trading Wednesday, while Vietnam’s currency took center stage as the country’s central bank said it would again devalue the dong.
One euro bought $1.5018, up from $1.4962 late Tuesday, while $1 bought 88.22 yen, down from 88.49 yen.
The dollar’s weakness helped fuel a rise in gold futures, which rose in electronic trading on Globex. The December contract tapped a record at $1,180, buoyed by investment demand and a report that India might be buying more gold from the International Monetary Fund.
On Tuesday, the dollar struggled to hold onto modest gains against a basket of rivals after the Federal Reserve said it expected a slow recovery with high unemployment, affirming expectations it will keep rates low for some time.
In emerging-markets-currency trading, Vietnam’s central bank said Wednesday it will devalue its currency by 5.4%, effective Thursday, resetting the dollar-exchange rate to 17,961 dong from its current level of 17,034 dong.
The move — Vietnam’s third devaluation in two years — is an apparent attempt to protect its foreign reserves. The State Bank of Vietnam will also narrow the trading band of the dollar against the dong to 3% from 5%.
"Top 10 Biggest Losers of Season 2010 — Before and After"
01. Patrick House
Starting weight: 400 lbs.
Finale weight: 219 lbs.
Lost 181 lbs., 45.25 percent
Finale weight: 219 lbs.
Lost 181 lbs., 45.25 percent
The 28-year-old sales rep from Vicksburg, Miss., won “The Biggest Loser” and took home the $250,000 prize. This season’s “Biggest Loser” and winner of the $250,000 grand prize, Patrick, joined the show after hitting his personal rock bottom. He lost his job, he was forced to borrow money from family members just to make ends meet and he felt certain he would die young. Patrick has since transformed his life by losing an impressive 181 pounds and has put all of those worries behind him. ee the amazing transformations and pounds shed by the contestants, which included four players who started the show at over 400 pounds. 9 More after the break...
02. Alfredo ‘Frado’ Dinten
Starting weight: 367 lbs.
Finale weight: 205 lbs.
Lost 162 lbs., 44.14 percent
The 48-year-old futures commodity trader from Staten Island, NY, took second place.
As the senior member of season 10’s only alliance, which consisted of himself, Patrick and Brendan, Frado was instrumental in keeping Patrick in the game, as well as ensuring his own second-place finish. The former Marine said he thought of “The Biggest Loser” as his “next boot camp” and saw some of the same rewards that his one brought about.
03. Ada Wong
Finale weight: 205 lbs.
Lost 162 lbs., 44.14 percent
The 48-year-old futures commodity trader from Staten Island, NY, took second place.
As the senior member of season 10’s only alliance, which consisted of himself, Patrick and Brendan, Frado was instrumental in keeping Patrick in the game, as well as ensuring his own second-place finish. The former Marine said he thought of “The Biggest Loser” as his “next boot camp” and saw some of the same rewards that his one brought about.
03. Ada Wong
Starting weight: 258 lbs.
Finale weight: 159 lbs.
Lost 99 lbs., 38.37 percent
The 28-year-old project coordinator from Santa Clara, Calif., came in third place.
For Ada, gaining self confidence was just as important as losing weight. She accomplished both goals while on the ranch, and healed old familial wounds once she went back home. Ada went from final four to final three thanks to America’s vote, and while she didn’t take the top honor, she walk away in third place with her “Ada the Terminator” reputation intact.
04. Mark Pinhasovich
Finale weight: 159 lbs.
Lost 99 lbs., 38.37 percent
The 28-year-old project coordinator from Santa Clara, Calif., came in third place.
For Ada, gaining self confidence was just as important as losing weight. She accomplished both goals while on the ranch, and healed old familial wounds once she went back home. Ada went from final four to final three thanks to America’s vote, and while she didn’t take the top honor, she walk away in third place with her “Ada the Terminator” reputation intact.
04. Mark Pinhasovich
Starting weight: 421 lbs.
Finale weight: 208 lbs.
Lost 213 lbs., 50.59 percent
The 31-year-old bartender from New Jersey was season 10's at-home winner.
Mark not only bested his fellow eliminated competitors and claimed the $100,000 prize, but his total weight loss percentage even put him far ahead of grand prize winner Patrick. The 31-year-old bartender didn’t have an easy road to the at-home win. On finale night, Mark revealed that he ran into troubles when he first left “The Biggest Loser” ranch, but he credited several members of the show’s alumni with getting him back on track.
05. Rick DeRoque
Finale weight: 208 lbs.
Lost 213 lbs., 50.59 percent
The 31-year-old bartender from New Jersey was season 10's at-home winner.
Mark not only bested his fellow eliminated competitors and claimed the $100,000 prize, but his total weight loss percentage even put him far ahead of grand prize winner Patrick. The 31-year-old bartender didn’t have an easy road to the at-home win. On finale night, Mark revealed that he ran into troubles when he first left “The Biggest Loser” ranch, but he credited several members of the show’s alumni with getting him back on track.
05. Rick DeRoque
Starting weight: 350 lbs.
Finale weight: 185 lbs.
Lost 165 lbs., 47.14 percent
Despite undergoing gastric bypass surgery years earlier, Rick continued to struggle with his weight before arriving on the ranch. Since then, he’s dropped close to half of his body weight, and in the “pay it forward” spirit, he’s also started a foundation to make sure others in his home state of Arkansas have the resources they need to get in shape.
06. Adam Hurtado
Finale weight: 185 lbs.
Lost 165 lbs., 47.14 percent
Despite undergoing gastric bypass surgery years earlier, Rick continued to struggle with his weight before arriving on the ranch. Since then, he’s dropped close to half of his body weight, and in the “pay it forward” spirit, he’s also started a foundation to make sure others in his home state of Arkansas have the resources they need to get in shape.
06. Adam Hurtado
Starting weight: 402 lbs.
Finale weight: 220 lbs.
Lost 182 lbs., 45.27 percent
Before joining “The Biggest Loser,” Adam lost his mother due a heart attack brought on by complications from diabetes and obesity. He believes she’s since acted as his angel and helped him achieve his weight-loss goal.
07. Jesse Atkins
Finale weight: 220 lbs.
Lost 182 lbs., 45.27 percent
Before joining “The Biggest Loser,” Adam lost his mother due a heart attack brought on by complications from diabetes and obesity. He believes she’s since acted as his angel and helped him achieve his weight-loss goal.
07. Jesse Atkins
Starting weight: 369 lbs.
Finale weight: 203 lbs.
Lost 166 lbs., 44.99 percent
Jesse called his starting weight a “fog that hangs over everything.” Not anymore. After eight weeks on the “The Biggest Loser” ranch, much of the fog lifted. He reached his remaining goal at home.
08. Aaron Thompkins
Finale weight: 203 lbs.
Lost 166 lbs., 44.99 percent
Jesse called his starting weight a “fog that hangs over everything.” Not anymore. After eight weeks on the “The Biggest Loser” ranch, much of the fog lifted. He reached his remaining goal at home.
08. Aaron Thompkins
Starting weight: 468 lbs.
Finale weight: 296 lbs.
Lost 172 lbs., 36.75 percent
Aaron decided to lose weight and improve his overall health both for himself and his 3-year-old son, London. The graphic designer joined the competition with the highest starting weight of the season, but he never let that fact hold him back.
09. Lisa Mosely
Finale weight: 296 lbs.
Lost 172 lbs., 36.75 percent
Aaron decided to lose weight and improve his overall health both for himself and his 3-year-old son, London. The graphic designer joined the competition with the highest starting weight of the season, but he never let that fact hold him back.
09. Lisa Mosely
Starting weight: 288 lbs.
Finale weight: 191 lbs.
Lost 97 lbs., 33.68 percent
When Lisa’s young daughter was hospitalized after she stopped eating and drinking because she didn’t want to turn out like her mom, Lisa knew it was time to change her life. “I think that I’m the best person for her to look up to now instead of the worst,” the sales rep said.
10. Anna Wright
Starting weight: 330 lbs.Finale weight: 191 lbs.
Lost 97 lbs., 33.68 percent
When Lisa’s young daughter was hospitalized after she stopped eating and drinking because she didn’t want to turn out like her mom, Lisa knew it was time to change her life. “I think that I’m the best person for her to look up to now instead of the worst,” the sales rep said.
10. Anna Wright
Finale weight: 221 lbs.
Lost 109 lbs., 33.03 percent
Anna lost her 3-year-old son to cancer and stopped taking care of herself following his death. For the sake of herself and her surviving son, she competed for a spot on the ranch, and although her stay was short, she made the most of it.
"Top 10 most creative people in business"
This year’s 100 Most Creative People offers our own, idiosyncratic perspective on business. The selections reflect the breadth of news ideas and new pursuits at play in our business landscape. Here we present the top 10 from list of innovators.
3. Elizabeth Warren – Consumer advocate, Congressional Oversight Panel
2. Eddy Cue – VP of Internet services, Apple
1. Lady Gaga – Pop ArtistGaga broke through last year as a global phenomenon, musing on “disco sticks,” channeling Madonna’s glitter-glam fashion, and cribbing shock-rock performance notes from Alice Cooper. Gaga has done something unprecedented, melding her inspirations with au courant dance pop and Web savvy to build a business empire notable for both the speed of its creation and the diversity of its platform.
10. Qi Lu – President of Online Services, Bing; Microsoft
It’s hard to imagine software giant Microsoft in the role of David, but up against the search Goliath Google, the casting fits. Spurning the antiquated practice of releasing new updates every couple of years, Lu is creating an environment where live-cycle updates and product improvements are constant. Bing’s share of the search business is still only about 12%, but if anyone can turn a pebble into a deadly stone, Lu is the man. More after the break...
9. James Cameron – Filmmaker, Lightstorm Entertainment
Not only did Avatar become the highest-grossing film in history (nearly $2.7 billion worldwide) — surpassing Cameron’s previous record setter, Titanic — but its visual spectacle and technical mastery also laid to rest any doubts about 3-D as a profound medium for live action and artistic ambition. When it comes to the business of Hollywood, Avatar cemented his place in the realm of the gods.8. Hannah Jones – VP of Sustainable Business and Innovation, Nike
Jones says she joined Nike’s sustainability team to test whether it was “more effective to shout from the outside or work from the inside.” Her conclusion: The creative combination of both is the most potent. She has paired Nike with NASA and venture capitalists to address water shortages; with Creative Commons to launch GreenXchange, a platform for companies to share green intellectual property; and with PopTech to create an Open Collaboration Lab for scientists and engineers.
7. Chris Anderson – Curator, TED Conferences
As chief curator of TED — the Long Beach, California, conference of multidisciplinary luminaries turned viral-video phenomenon turned cultural juggernaut — the Brit has guided it into a newly global, open-source phase this year. Volunteers have translated thousands of videos into 76 languages and introduced TEDx, independently organized events that in the first year has produced an astonishing 500 gatherings in 70 countries and 35 languages.
6. Steve Burd – CEO, Safeway
Steve Burd played a crucial role in the recent health-care debate. The exec appeared repeatedly on Capitol Hill to describe the health and financial benefits of the grocery chain’s unconventional wellness program, which includes lower insurance premiums for nonunion employees who maintain healthy blood-pressure and cholesterol levels and don’t smoke. Burd insists that the company’s health-care costs rose just 2% from 2005 to 2009 compared to a nearly 40% increase for most companies. “The Safeway amendment” — a provision that increases the incentives companies can pay healthy employees — is now law.
5. Ryan Murphy – Creator and Producer, Glee
The Peabody-winning Fox series Glee, his satire about a high-school show choir, has become a ratings rock star. It’s the No. 1 show among female teens and the top new show among women 18 to 49, and more of its viewership is made up of 18- to 49-year-olds in households making $100,000-plus than any other broadcast-network show.Glee has also spawned more than 50 iTunes singles — Murphy picks all the songs himself — as well as three soundtracks and a sold-out concert tour.
4. Shiro Nakamura – Chief Creative Officer, Nissan
With the zero-emissions Leaf — which goes on sale later this year and is the first global mass-market electric car — he has tried to put his finger on the consumer pulse and make a car that will sell. “We did not want to make something very strange for just the niche buyer,” Nakamura said last year. That hews to his belief that creativity at its best isn’t about just doing whatever you want: “More designers have to understand the values of society and the people they are creating the vehicles for.”
3. Elizabeth Warren – Consumer advocate, Congressional Oversight Panel
By calling the likes of Citigroup CEO Vikram Pandit on the carpet, jawboning with Jon Stewart, and pushing to create a consumer financial protection agency, Harvard law professor Elizabeth Warren has taken what could have been a paper-pushing position as chair of the Congressional Oversight Panel on the bank bailout to the forefront of the public conversation over financial reform.
2. Eddy Cue – VP of Internet services, Apple
Steve Jobs may own the limelight, but Eddy Cue holds the key to the Apple kingdom. Cue runs arguably the most disruptive 21st-century Web businesses: iTunes and the App Store, the latter of which is poised to create a $4 billion app economy by 2012. Cue’s next campaign will be challenging Amazon’s Kindle dominance, with the Cupertino cocktail of the iPad and the iBook store.
1. Lady Gaga – Pop Artist
"Top 10 Highest Paid NBA Players"
10. Zach Randolph – Memphis Grizzlies
$17.3 million
Randolph has had a checkered NBA career and never lived up to the $84 million, six-year deal he signed in 2004. He had his most success last season when he made his first All-Star team and led the Grizzlies to a 16-game improvement in the win column. The NBA’s highest-paid player is guard Kobe Bryant, who last season led the Los Angeles Lakers to its fifth title since he entered the league in 1996. This season he is the NBA’s highest-paid player for the first time in his career with a salary of $24.8 million. Here are the count downs of top ten NBA’s highest paid players. 9 More after the break...
09. Yao Ming – Houston Rockets
$17.7 million
Yao is one of the best centers in the game when healthy, but he was sidelined all of last season with a broken foot. Yao is in the final year of his contract with the Rockets and will have to prove he is healthy to command another big ticket contract.
08. Gilbert Arenas – Washington Wizards
$17.7 million
Injuries and a suspension for bringing guns into the locker room forced Agent Zero to miss 80% of his team’s games since signing a $111 million deal in 2008. His contract with three-plus years left on it might be the most impossible to trade in the league.
07. Andrei Kirilenko – Utah Jazz
$17.8 million
Kirilenko is nicknamed AK-47 for his initials and number with the Jazz (he was also born in Russia, home to the famous assault rifle). He fills up a stat sheet with rebounds, assists, steals and blocks, but his production hasn’t matched the $86 million deal he signed in 2004.
06. Pau Gasol – Los Angeles Lakers
$17.8 million
Gasol and Bryant are both under contract with the Lakers through the 2013-14 season. Gasol signed an extension during last season that added three years and $60 million to his existing deal.
05. Michael Redd – Milwaukee Bucks
$18.3 million
The Bucks’ sharpshooter has seen his last two seasons cut short by serious knee injuries. Redd’s salary is likely to take a major haircut when his six-year, $90 million deal expires after this season.
04. Tim Duncan – San Antonio Spurs
$18.7 million
Duncan can make a strong case as the greatest power forward to ever play the game with four titles, two MVP awards and nine selections to the All-NBA first team. His current contract with the Spurs expires after next season.
03. Kevin Garnett – Boston Celtics
$18.8 million
Garnett’s massive $126 million contract signed during his third season in the league was a major reason behind the NBA lockout that shortened the 1998-99 season. The Big Ticket was the league’s highest-paid player for three straight years until Tracy McGrady took the title last season.
02. Rashard Lewis – Orlando Magic
$20.5 million
Lewis signed a $118 million, six-year deal as a free agent in 2007 after nine seasons with the Seattle SuperSonics. Lewis has seen his scoring average decline three straight years.
01. Kobe Bryant – Los Angeles Lakers
$24.8 million
Bryant is the NBA’s top-paid player for the first time this season. The $83.5 million, three-year extension he signed with the Los Angeles Lakers in April assures he will stay on top through the 2013-14 season.
“6 dating rules to ditch”
When it comes to dating, everyone’s an expert. Whether it’s how to split the check (the man pays), make conversation (don’t bring up marriage, kids, or your ex), or lean in for that first kiss (preferably in a doorway at the end of the night), we’ve all heard our share of solicited and unsolicited dating advice from coworkers, friends and overly friendly hairdressers. While these dos and don’ts are usually well-intentioned, they’re not always true across the board — and sometimes, just sometimes, you’ve got to break a few rules to find what you’re really looking for. Here’s a round-up of conventional ideas about dating and advice from real dating experts on why reconsidering them can actually improve your love life.
Rule #1: Never date a coworker
Obviously, there are plenty of good reasons to be cautious if you’ve fallen for someone you’ll be running into every day at the office. But unless your company handbook forbids relationships between employees, there’s no reason why you should abandon any hope of romance. “Dating people you work with makes practical sense — after all, we spend so much of our lives in the office, there’s often no other way or time to meet anyone else,” says dating expert April Masini, author of Think & Date Like a Man. Jennifer Nardella, 22, of Miami, FL, agrees completely. “My boyfriend and I met at a hospital where we both worked. I’ve always been against dating anyone at my job, so when he initially approached me, I wasn’t interested,” she says. “But over time, I realized how nice he was and we became friends.
Eventually we started talking on the phone and seeing each other outside of work. Our relationship definitely added another level of pressure to my job, but we no longer work together now and I’m so glad I made an exception to my rule and didn’t pass up the chance to be with him when we did!”
Rule #2: Rebound relationships never last
Give yourself time, they always say. While it’s healthy to mourn a relationship’s passing, that doesn’t mean you should ignore anyone great you meet while you recoup. “Not all breakups are the same,” explains Brent Atkinson, Ph.D., of The Couples Clinic, adding that some couples have mentally broken up months before things become official.
“Instead of focusing on the timing of a new relationship, where you are emotionally after a breakup is a better indicator of whether a rebound relationship will work out.” Case in point: “My rebound relationship has lasted four years!” says Debbie Fraser, 27, from Philadelphia. “My boyfriend Bill and I met while I was in a rocky relationship with my ex.
The more we hung out, the more Bill made me realize how bad my current situation was. It wasn’t long before my ex and I broke up. I was a little worried about jumping from one relationship to another, and I’ll admit that things weren’t smooth sailing in the beginning. My previous relationship left me feeling pretty emotionally damaged, and we had lots of issues to work through as a new couple.
But with time, we got through our problems and couldn’t be happier now. It really made me realize that you shouldn’t pass up a good thing just because of timing.”
Rule #3: Never date a friend’s ex
Your friends’ exes are usually off limits when it comes to dating… but what if you felt a genuine connection with a friend’s old flame? This scenario can create a delicate situation for everyone involved, but according to Dennie Hughes, author of Dateworthy, there are ways to make it work.
If you alert your pal to your feelings before acting on them, your friendship doesn’t necessarily need to suffer. Daniel Smith, 30, of New York City, had such an experience. “One night at a party, I started talking with a former girlfriend of one of my good friends,” he says. “While I always found her attractive, I never even considered dating her because I always associated her with my friend. But now that she was single (and he had moved on to someone else), she made it very clear that she was into me. When things started to look pretty promising, I decided to give my friend a call and ’fess up — and hopefully get his blessing.
We’ll both admit now that it was the shortest and most awkward conversation we’ve ever had, but he thanked me for letting him know and he didn’t stand in our way.”
Rule #4: Only date one person at a time
Every so often, the stars align and several new prospects come along at the same time. But contrary to popular wisdom, you don’t have to settle for just one person.
Hughes notes that playing the field is the smartest way to find what you’re really looking for. “All single people should dare to have spares,” she explains. “Most people choose one person, commit to that person, and then a few months later realize the relationship isn’t working out so he or she starts all over again. Save yourself the time by simply dating more people and staying in the game longer.” Just be sure to be honest with everyone you’re seeing, letting each one know that you’re in “dating mode” and not interested in getting exclusive yet, as Sean Divine, 25, from San Francisco did with good results. “Ever since I started dating, I’ve been a serial monogamist,” he says. “I always thought I was dating, but really I was just jumping from one long-term relationship to another.
After my last breakup, I realized that if I’m going to find the right person I have to really see what my options are. So I started dating a number of people and found that it keeps things light and fun instead of getting too serious, too fast. And it also gives me a chance to really figure out what I want in a mate. By not putting all of my eggs in one basket, I find that I’m able to judge people’s character better and see what my type truly is.”
Rule #5: Wait for your date to say “I love you” first
Saying the L-word for the first time is a huge turning point in any relationship, so it’s no wonder why most people say you should wait for your partner to take the lead. But contrary to popular belief, Atkinson says there’s no hard-and-fast rule for saying those three little words. “Sharing your feelings is courageous, and people tend to be attracted to others with a fearless, ‘go-for-it’ approach to life,” he says.
Instead of obsessing over whether or not to say it, Atkinson suggests just doing it. Ann Stout, 25, from New York City agrees. “My boyfriend Mark and I had only been dating for a few months when I surprised him by saying ‘I love you,’” she says. “He was going away for the weekend and when I went to hug him goodbye, the words just came out before I realized what I was saying! Instead of saying it back, he just smiled and gave me a kiss.
I could tell I had caught him completely off guard, and I could feel myself blushing. All weekend long I obsessed over it and why I had been so stupid to make the first move. But when he called me after he got back in town, to my surprise, he told me he had been thinking about what I said all weekend and how happy it made him feel. Even though he wasn’t ready to say it, he wanted to let me know that it didn’t mean he cared any less for me. And when he did finally tell me he loved me a few weeks later, it was an extra-special moment because I knew he really meant it.”
Rule #6: Couples who are in love spend all their free time together
One of the perks of being in a relationship is always having a standing date to do anything, from going dancing to washing your car. But that doesn’t mean you and your partner have to be joined at the hip.
Spending time apart is actually a secret of happy couples, according to Hughes. “Things like your friends, career, hobbies and interests are what make you fascinating to a new date. Oftentimes, when couples settle down in a relationship, they neglect the very things that made them interesting to each other in the first place,” she explains.
To keep things fresh, nurture your life outside of the relationship, even if it means giving up a date night now and then. “When I met Mr. Right, my social life completely and suddenly changed,” says Ellen Collis, 25, of Louisville, KY. “I was so smitten that I wanted to spend as much time with him as possible. I started canceling long-standing dates with friends and as the months flew by, I realized I was completely losing touch with everyone but my boyfriend. After apologizing to all of my friends, I resolved to make plans at least one night a week without my boyfriend.
The time spent apart gives us something new to talk about and made us appreciate the time we spend together even more!”
Rule #1: Never date a coworker
Obviously, there are plenty of good reasons to be cautious if you’ve fallen for someone you’ll be running into every day at the office. But unless your company handbook forbids relationships between employees, there’s no reason why you should abandon any hope of romance. “Dating people you work with makes practical sense — after all, we spend so much of our lives in the office, there’s often no other way or time to meet anyone else,” says dating expert April Masini, author of Think & Date Like a Man. Jennifer Nardella, 22, of Miami, FL, agrees completely. “My boyfriend and I met at a hospital where we both worked. I’ve always been against dating anyone at my job, so when he initially approached me, I wasn’t interested,” she says. “But over time, I realized how nice he was and we became friends.
Eventually we started talking on the phone and seeing each other outside of work. Our relationship definitely added another level of pressure to my job, but we no longer work together now and I’m so glad I made an exception to my rule and didn’t pass up the chance to be with him when we did!”
Rule #2: Rebound relationships never last
Give yourself time, they always say. While it’s healthy to mourn a relationship’s passing, that doesn’t mean you should ignore anyone great you meet while you recoup. “Not all breakups are the same,” explains Brent Atkinson, Ph.D., of The Couples Clinic, adding that some couples have mentally broken up months before things become official.
“Instead of focusing on the timing of a new relationship, where you are emotionally after a breakup is a better indicator of whether a rebound relationship will work out.” Case in point: “My rebound relationship has lasted four years!” says Debbie Fraser, 27, from Philadelphia. “My boyfriend Bill and I met while I was in a rocky relationship with my ex.
The more we hung out, the more Bill made me realize how bad my current situation was. It wasn’t long before my ex and I broke up. I was a little worried about jumping from one relationship to another, and I’ll admit that things weren’t smooth sailing in the beginning. My previous relationship left me feeling pretty emotionally damaged, and we had lots of issues to work through as a new couple.
But with time, we got through our problems and couldn’t be happier now. It really made me realize that you shouldn’t pass up a good thing just because of timing.”
Rule #3: Never date a friend’s ex
Your friends’ exes are usually off limits when it comes to dating… but what if you felt a genuine connection with a friend’s old flame? This scenario can create a delicate situation for everyone involved, but according to Dennie Hughes, author of Dateworthy, there are ways to make it work.
If you alert your pal to your feelings before acting on them, your friendship doesn’t necessarily need to suffer. Daniel Smith, 30, of New York City, had such an experience. “One night at a party, I started talking with a former girlfriend of one of my good friends,” he says. “While I always found her attractive, I never even considered dating her because I always associated her with my friend. But now that she was single (and he had moved on to someone else), she made it very clear that she was into me. When things started to look pretty promising, I decided to give my friend a call and ’fess up — and hopefully get his blessing.
We’ll both admit now that it was the shortest and most awkward conversation we’ve ever had, but he thanked me for letting him know and he didn’t stand in our way.”
Rule #4: Only date one person at a time
Every so often, the stars align and several new prospects come along at the same time. But contrary to popular wisdom, you don’t have to settle for just one person.
Hughes notes that playing the field is the smartest way to find what you’re really looking for. “All single people should dare to have spares,” she explains. “Most people choose one person, commit to that person, and then a few months later realize the relationship isn’t working out so he or she starts all over again. Save yourself the time by simply dating more people and staying in the game longer.” Just be sure to be honest with everyone you’re seeing, letting each one know that you’re in “dating mode” and not interested in getting exclusive yet, as Sean Divine, 25, from San Francisco did with good results. “Ever since I started dating, I’ve been a serial monogamist,” he says. “I always thought I was dating, but really I was just jumping from one long-term relationship to another.
After my last breakup, I realized that if I’m going to find the right person I have to really see what my options are. So I started dating a number of people and found that it keeps things light and fun instead of getting too serious, too fast. And it also gives me a chance to really figure out what I want in a mate. By not putting all of my eggs in one basket, I find that I’m able to judge people’s character better and see what my type truly is.”
Rule #5: Wait for your date to say “I love you” first
Saying the L-word for the first time is a huge turning point in any relationship, so it’s no wonder why most people say you should wait for your partner to take the lead. But contrary to popular belief, Atkinson says there’s no hard-and-fast rule for saying those three little words. “Sharing your feelings is courageous, and people tend to be attracted to others with a fearless, ‘go-for-it’ approach to life,” he says.
Instead of obsessing over whether or not to say it, Atkinson suggests just doing it. Ann Stout, 25, from New York City agrees. “My boyfriend Mark and I had only been dating for a few months when I surprised him by saying ‘I love you,’” she says. “He was going away for the weekend and when I went to hug him goodbye, the words just came out before I realized what I was saying! Instead of saying it back, he just smiled and gave me a kiss.
I could tell I had caught him completely off guard, and I could feel myself blushing. All weekend long I obsessed over it and why I had been so stupid to make the first move. But when he called me after he got back in town, to my surprise, he told me he had been thinking about what I said all weekend and how happy it made him feel. Even though he wasn’t ready to say it, he wanted to let me know that it didn’t mean he cared any less for me. And when he did finally tell me he loved me a few weeks later, it was an extra-special moment because I knew he really meant it.”
Rule #6: Couples who are in love spend all their free time together
One of the perks of being in a relationship is always having a standing date to do anything, from going dancing to washing your car. But that doesn’t mean you and your partner have to be joined at the hip.
Spending time apart is actually a secret of happy couples, according to Hughes. “Things like your friends, career, hobbies and interests are what make you fascinating to a new date. Oftentimes, when couples settle down in a relationship, they neglect the very things that made them interesting to each other in the first place,” she explains.
To keep things fresh, nurture your life outside of the relationship, even if it means giving up a date night now and then. “When I met Mr. Right, my social life completely and suddenly changed,” says Ellen Collis, 25, of Louisville, KY. “I was so smitten that I wanted to spend as much time with him as possible. I started canceling long-standing dates with friends and as the months flew by, I realized I was completely losing touch with everyone but my boyfriend. After apologizing to all of my friends, I resolved to make plans at least one night a week without my boyfriend.
The time spent apart gives us something new to talk about and made us appreciate the time we spend together even more!”
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